August has been exhausting. Two and a half weeks ago I lost my older half brother. A week and half ago, I travelled to California for the funeral. The trip involved too little sleep and too much wine and a lot of emotions. The last week has been spent trying to recover. I have never been so tired in all of my life. I’m hoping that this week will be better simply because I am finally settling back into my routine and this week shouldn’t have any variations in the routine.
Having a brother die, makes you aware of how short time really is on earth. When a parent or grandparent passes, we still change those things we know we need to, but there’s still the gap of years between you and your folks that makes it appear that we still have more time. We don’t really have to be in a hurry. Yet when a sibling dies, a sense of urgency comes in that wasnt there before. You realize that death can come at any time and that you need to start living. Except right now, I’m so damn tired that all I want to do is sleep.
So right now, I focus on getting things in order so I can do the things I want in the future. Some of this is going to take time to resolve. Some of this I can do right now. But its time to focus on living and not being burdened down by mental and physical stuff. Its time to live life to the fullest so that I can look back and not have a regret for not having lived my life well.
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